Dating is complicated. It can be hard to distinguish right from wrong when it comes to matters of the heart. Here are 10 red flags to look out for when entering into a relationship.
1. THEY WON’T COMMIT TO YOU IN THE WAY YOU WANT.
If you are looking to be exclusive and they are not, that is a fundamental incompatibility. These sorts of things can take time, but if you’ve been seeing this person for a longer time than you are comfortable with and they have not committed to you, then you have no reason to continue to give them the time of day. You deserve to feel safe and secure in a relationship, not that things are up in the air and that the person could disappear at any moment.
2. ON THE FLIP SIDE, THEY WANT A COMMITMENT TOO SOON.
There is a balance when it comes to these sorts of matters. If someone wants you to commit to them and it has been an uncomfortably short amount of time, that is a big red flag. More successful relationships are usually a slow burn rather than having an all or nothing mentality. It might be tempting to jump into a relationship, but you have to get to know a person before you decide if it’s someone you want to keep in your life.
3. THEY AREN’T TREATING YOU VERY WELL.
This might be more or less subjective, meaning that it is open to your own interpretation of what is good versus poor treatment, but more objectively, we all deserve to feel good, safe, and secure in a relationship. Think of that as a fact and a right in a good relationship rather than something that can be negotiated.
4. THEY ARE CONTROLLING.
They try to control your behaviors, such as who you hang out with or how you spend your time. This is a sign of abuse and manipulation, not love.
5. THEY BRING YOU DOWN.
Perhaps they get you involved in things that are not good for you, like reckless behaviors or drug abuse. Maybe they don’t support your dreams and goals. They try to knock you down or act uninterested when you accomplish something rather than helping build you up. This is a controlling behavior that some people do when they feel insecure or threatened that you might leave them if you become successful. It is not something that a healthy or supportive partner would do.
6. YOU CAN’T SEE A FUTURE WITH THEM.
Healthy relationships grow and build in strength over time. Toxic relationships get stuck in cycles where issues go unresolved. If you are staying stuck in the past with no movement towards future growth, it is a sign that the relationship isn’t going anywhere.
7. YOU CAN’T TRUST THEM.
Trust takes time to be built. If they have lost your trust, that is something that can take a lot of time to earn back. It takes a lot of vulnerability to trust another person. You can usually tell if a person is trustworthy or not. If you keep getting this gnawing feeling that you can’t trust them, then that is a big red flag that the relationship isn’t going to work out.
8. YOU DON’T LIKE OR GET ALONG WITH THEIR FRIENDS.
This is important because you are going to be potentially spending a lot of time with these people. If you don’t like their friends, it’s going to cause a lot of issues down the line, and there might be a deeper incompatibility within your partnership.
9. YOU AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THEM.
Over time, the attraction between two people might wane, but if there is little to no initial attraction to begin with or no signs that you are both trying to maintain that attraction, it will be difficult to want to stay with that person over the long haul when there is so much other temptation out there.
10. IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT.
Ultimately, this is the biggest indicator. If something feels off, that’s because it probably is. Not every relationship is destined to make it. Sometimes we want things to work out so badly because it takes a lot of effort and energy to build a relationship, but if it continues to feel wrong for whatever reason, then it’s not the right relationship.